Though I didn’t write about it, around the start of last week I suddenly started to panic. We were into the second week of lectures on my post graduate degree, and a lot of the people in my class were discussing their PhDs- or potential PhDs.
The module was about social research and it’s a requirement for MA and PhD students so we’re a pretty mixed class.
Now, I’ve always known I planned to do a PhD. I love being in education but mainly it’s the independent learning which I most enjoy. The idea of being a Doctor was also very appealing, Dr Jade… Seriously, there’s power in that kind of thing. But it was mainly because becoming a researcher would allow me to continue actively studying and working towards finding solutions for the problems in our society.
Call me a bit naive but I enjoyed the idea of having some influence on policy.
Well all of these adults, who were much older than me, were having a deep academic conversation and I was lost. The solid plans that I had made for myself: complete a MA, apply for a PhD in America, get a job all seemed so lost. With the current market, finding a job with a broad degree is tough enough but considering how specialised I would become with a PhD I also started to panic that I would be making the job market too narrow for myself.
Why can’t I just want a straight forward job like a pharmacist (like my boss always is saying) or a teacher (like my mother wants)?
The panic is over now, to an extent. I’ve just had to accept the fact that for now I need to focus on my education and now set my heart on a specific future- after some very stern words from a friend when I suggested dropping out of university. You would think that I would know this by now, considering how differently my life has turned out to what I expected five years ago.
So now I still applying for a PhD in America, though it looks like I’ll have to do a second Masters course over there to qualify. Hopefully that will help me find a stable job over there considering research seems to be a more solid career than over here where it is mostly temporary contracts. Otherwise I will move home and just keep trying.
In all honesty, my main focus now is to pass my post graduate with distinction.
Now that’s as ambitious as I’m getting for the forseeable future!