So currently, I’m 112 days away from my birthday: the big 2-2. Not that 22 is generally considered a big event, whereas when you hit 16 I could vote and start driving, at 18 I could start drinking, and at 21 I could start… Well, drinking in America though I never actually foresaw that I would end up going there! But no, 22 is just a mundane kind of age like your 14th, 15th, or even the annoying 17th…
Except it’s not that mundane really. By the time my mum was 22 she had lived in London for a year, had had one child (me) and got married. My cousin who is 10 days younger than me has a one year old child. Another friend who is six months younger than me has been engaged five years and is in full time employment.
Then there’s me: 21, in university, holding down two part time jobs and neither of which are a basis for the career I am aspiring for.
I think I’m getting that fear creeping in now. I watched my friend go through it last year, we labelled it her quarter mid life crisis. However, she was pretty assured career wise- she was beginning to doubt whether she was ready to settle down with her boyfriend of five odd years, given that he was her first. It was the concept of only ever being with one person that rattled her.
A few months ago those two got engaged and moved in together.
That’s why I’m rattled right now I guess. While she was doubting what she had, I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll ever have anything close to being that secure. Though, of course, I’m not saying I want to be settled in the next five years and earning £30k and planning my wedding (as nice as that would be) the fear of the unknown is enough to cause a few “ifs” and “buts”.
I think the worst thing for me is the fact I was certain that I knew where I was going when I was 17/18. But that me would be seriously confused about where I have ended up! Though, in all honesty, I do admit this future has probably worked out better for me. I have a job, I have (pending results of course) my degree, I have friends and what family that I can still bear to be around.
But I think it’s time to settle down and start working out what I want. I mean, we’re not 20 forever….