When you go through your friends list, do you ever consider these questions:
- Who have you known the longest?
- Who do you know the best?
- Who do you trust the most?
I mean, in terms of “looking through your friends list”, well that can be complicated enough.
When I was 8 I kept a diary on my computer, using good old Notepad. Looking back on it a year later, I’d happened to write a list of all of my “friends” at that time. I remember doing it because I remember wondering why the hell I’d put certain people down. And by certain people, I mean a good 3/4 of the list. In actual fact, the list had ended up listing around 100 names. I’ve never been friends with 100 people.
Having friends in high school was a comfort blanket, especially for me. I hid behind my “cooler” friends because I wasn’t popular, I got bullied throughout primary school, I didn’t have their confidence or attitude. They’d go around drinking WKD on the prom and kissing guys four years older than us and I’d just stand back or run away. We all hated the same people, we all loved the same things. They did it, I did it. But the thing was, I hated WKD. Wondering along the prom in December at 9pm was miserable. I wasn’t interested in older guys who led you on. The gossiping bored me. I simply didn’t slot into that click anymore when I was 16 and sure did I realise it when they all turned on me.
So going back to those all important questions. Well, in terms of who I’ve known the longest that’s easy, I’ve known Joy since I was three and she wanted to play Power Rangers at Sunday School. I’d been banned from watching that show so she was pretty cool in my eyes. But the other two? That’s complicated. Not a single person jumps into my head. That’s not to say I don’t trust anyone, I mean not one person but more of a few. For different things.
Now I’m 21 I realise that trusting one person whole heartedly will get you hurt, no question about it. You raise your expectations of that person to high and no-one is perfect enough for that commitment. Even those who get married rely on those outside of the marriage if they need space from the relationship. A mother or father may escape from the children in order to rant to their friends for a while. It’s not that the trust isn’t there, it’s reality though. Human nature means that we are naturally sociable in varying ways. Only swans, that I know of, mate for life and then die of a broken heart.
But on the other hand, you do hear of friends who’ve known each other since they were born. Sisters in the sorority, frat brothers, the friends who grew up next door to each other. I guess it is possible. But in all honesty, I doubt they had an easy ride.